LOVE UNDERCOVER 3: Keep Off

LOVE UNDERCOVER 3 (comedy)
Cast: Fiona Sit, Takuya Suzuki, Sammy Leung, Hui Siu Hung and Raymond Wong
Director: Joe Ma
Time: 85 mins
Rating: * (out of 4)

WHAT’S IT ABOUT? Eighteen-year-old Fan Siu Wah (Fiona Sit) is a typical Hong Kong youngster aiming to carve a better life for herself. After getting involved in a road accident with a squad of Hong Kong’s most inept cops, she decides to join the police force solely because the pay is attractive.
Sergeant Chung (Hui Siu Hung), the leader of the squad, takes a special liking to Siu Wah and gives her special attention, grooming her to be the squad’s mascot and ‘model policewoman’. A problem surfaces when a handsome ‘plant’ in the form of Inspector Izu (Takuya Suzuki) shows up and suggests that she joins the Tokyo police force. Now Chung and his men must find a way to persuade Siu Wah to stay on and cool off her attraction for Izu.

WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL? I have not seen the first two movies but if this sequel is anything to go by, no one will be hankering to catch them at all.

HIGHLIGHTS: There is absolutely nothing to interest the viewer, except maybe students of film. It should teach them how a really rotten comedy is made.

LOWLIGHTS: Even though this is a spoof and a parody on the restlessness of Hong Kong’s youth, there is nothing in the film that can generate any mirth, let alone laughter. Director Joe Ma seems to have made no attempt to lend credence to the story or to build up its characters. The acting, if we can call it that, is a whole lot worse than any school play I have seen and the movie is painful to watch. What’s worse is that the cast seems to be having a lot of fun hamming their way through the movie while we try to restrain ourselves from puking over the infantile gags and lame script.

THE LOWDOWN? Catch it only if you feel the need to torture yourself!

YOUR WEEKEND PIC (June 30 - July 2)

(A guide to help you plan your cinema-going)


1. SUPERMAN RETURNS (Fantasy adventure with Brandon Routh, Kate Bosworth and Kevin Spacey) Rated * * * (out of 4): The Man of Steel is back and he is saving the world from Lex Luthor's evil and reclaiming his old flame reporter Lois.

2. TAKE THE LEAD (ballroom dancing caper with Antonio Banderas and Rob Brown) Rated: * * 1/2 (2.5 stars): Like a modern Zorro, Banderas rides in (on bicycle) to save a bunch of hopeless students from boredom by teaching them ballroom dancing. Viva Banderas!

3. SCARY MOVIE 4 (Irreverent parody of blockbusters with Cindy Campbell, Craig Bierko, Regina Hall and Leslie Nielsen) Rated * * 1/2 (2.5 stars): This sequel spoofs The Saw, War Of The Worlds, The Grudge and The Village and even takes a swipe at Oprah Winfrey.

4. STAY ALIVE (video game horror, starring Jon Foster, Sophia Bush and Frankie Muniz) Rated * 1/2 (1.5 stars): This story about video-gamers actually getting killed while playing a game is lamely contrived and utterly devoid of thrills and spills.

5. LOVE UNDERCOVER 3 (Cantonese comedy with Fiona Sit, Hui Siu Hung and Takuya Suzuki) Rated * (1 star): The only reason for anyone to catch this inane scatterbrain comedy is for one to punish oneself.

SUPERMAN RETURNS: It's Superfluous!

SUPERMAN RETURNS (fantasy adventure)
Cast: Brandon Routh, Kate Bosworth, Kevin Spacey, James Marsden and Frank Langella
Director: Bryan Singer
Time: 157 mins
Rating: * * *

WHAT’S IT ABOUT? After a long visit to the remains of his home planet Krypton, Kar-El (or Superman) returns to Earth to find that Lois Lane (Bosworth) has a new man (Marsden) and a four-year-old son in her life. Also, Lex Luthor (Spacey) has been released from prison and is now using Superman’s crystals to change the map of North America. Yup, the Man of Steel has his work cut up, viz, to save the world and reclaim the heart of Lois!

WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL? When "Superman the Movie" opened in 1978, cinemagoers were thrilled with its out-of-the-world plot, heart-warming love story and mind-boggling special effects. People 'believed' that Man could actually fly! Women started looking for something more in their men... and some even wished that their man could read their minds.

A lot has happened during these 28 years, with the movie spurning three sequels (two of which were ‘unofficial’). Lots of other comic book characters had also come on to the big screen and these were accompanied by inspired scripting and state-of-the art special effects. Bryan Singer's Superman Returns is so respectful of the franchise’s traditions that it tries very hard to emulate and even rehash them. But it lacks the little touches like wit, fun and humour of the earlier movies. Relying only on incredible save-the-world scenes is not enough these days. There has to be more and more each time around to wow the audiences. This one entertains but does not impress us.

HIGHLIGHTS: Most of the ‘disaster’ sequences are fantastically done although a few look fake. However, it is Spacey who spices up the movie every time he appears. Given the charm-less, humour-less performance of Routh in this overdrawn two-and-a-half hour movie, I would have nodded off to sleep if not for Spacey’s maniacal portrayal of Luthor. Bosworth and young Tristan Leabu (as Lois’ son, Jason) are also memorable and I even like Parker Posey's air-head Kitty, a revised version of Luthor's blonde stooge Miss Teschmacher (played by Valerie Perrine).

LOWLIGHTS: Routh is sorely miscast as the title character. All he manages to achieve here is a bad impersonation of Christopher Reeve's Clark Kent and Superman. (Perhaps the tons of make-up on his face made him look more like a mannequin than a man of steel!)

THE LOWDOWN? It’s a bird! It’s a plane! Great Caesar’s ghost, look who's back again!

YOUR WEEKEND PIC (June 23-25)

(A guide to help you plan your cinema-going)

1. CARS (Animated fun-tasy with endearing car-acters voiced by Owen Wilson, Bonnie Hunt and Paul Newman) Rated * * * (3 out of 4 stars): Lightning McQueen, a novice racing car, learns about friends and family when he gets stuck in a small town on the legendary Route 66.

2. SCARY MOVIE 4 (Irreverent parody of blockbusters with Cindy Campbell, Craig Bierko, Regina Hall and Leslie Nielsen) Rated * * 1/2 (2.5 stars): This sequel spoofs The Saw, War Of The Worlds, The Grudge and The Village and even takes a swipe at Oprah Winfrey.

3. TAKE THE LEAD (ballroom dancing caper with Antonio Banderas and Rob Brown) Rated: * * 1/2 (2.5 stars): Like a modern Zorro, Banderas rides in (on bicycle) to save a bunch of hopeless students from boredom by teaching them ballroom dancing.

4. THE FAST & THE FURIOUS: TOKYO DRIFT (car-race sequel with Lucas Black and Bow Wow) Rated: * * 1/2 (2.5 stars): If you like fast cars, hot chicks and road crashes, then this is the flick for you. Don't expect anything else, though.

5. STAY ALIVE (video game horror, starring Jon Foster, Sophia Bush and Frankie Muniz) Rated * 1/2 (1.5 stars): This story about video-gamers actually getting killed while playing a game is lamely contrived and utterly devoid of thrills and spills.

TAKE THE LEAD: Zorro Rides Again!

TAKE THE LEAD (dance comedy)
Cast: Antonio Banderas, Alfre Goodard, Rob Brown and Yaya DaCosta
Director: Liz Friedlander
Time: 107 mins
Rating: * * 1/2

WHAT’S IT ABOUT? El Zorro (Banderas) rides again! This time around, he is galloping on his trusty bicycle and trying to save the wayward kids of a New York City school from rotting in detention class. I jest… Banderas is not the masked swashbuckler here. He plays Pierre Dulaine, a ballroom dancing instructor who somehow decides to buck the system and teach a bunch of no-hope street kids BALLROOM Dancing! Now, if that sounds incredulous, take heed that this movie is based on the real-life ‘adventures’ of Dulaine himself!

WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL? The usual dance movie routine applies. At first, the students, like Rock (Brown) and Lahrette (DaCosta) laugh at and spurn Dulaine’s attempts at teaching them to waltz and foxtrot. Most of them go for hip-hop. Then the suave Banderas charm kicks in and, as expected, we have the youngsters – and even the school principal (Woodard) – eating out of his hand. If you thought the Zorro series is a fairy-tale, this one is gonna make your eyes roll even more.

HIGHLIGHTS: First-time director Friedlander applies her music video smarts to give us some twists and surprises, and even a few laughs. She cuts her scenes abruptly and includes subplots on the lives of the youths (like Rock and Lahrette being sworn enemies after the death of their siblings) to flesh out the characters, and appeal to the young viewers. The young cast acquit themselves pretty well here, especially DaCosta, and Dante Brasco as Ramos.

LOWLIGHTS: This is supposed to be an inspirational flick but I don’t see anything inspiring in the clichéd script. Even the dancing sequences fall flat – until the ending credits where street-dancing merges with Ballroom. Also, the subplot that hints at the widowed Dulaine’s love interest is left undeveloped. Okay, this is based on a true story but the idea of ballroom dancing being used to redeem the dregs of inner-city school kids still sounds rather preposterous to me.

THE LOWDOWN? This is not Strictly Ballroom. Remixed Ballroom, perhaps.

SCARY MOVIE 4 (parody)
Cast: Cindy Campbell, Craig Bierko, Regina Hall and Leslie Nielsen
Director: David Zucker
Time: 83 mins
Rating: * * 1/2

WHAT’S IT ABOUT? This sequel is certainly not about scaring the daylights of its viewers. The producers had expanded on the horror flick theme since Scary Movie 3 and here they hit on blockbusters like Saw, The Grudge, War Of The Worlds, Brokeback Mountain, The Village and Million Dollar Baby and even The Oprah Winfrey Show.

WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL? The ‘main’ story follows Tom Ryan (Bierko) fleeing an alien invasion (a’la War Of The Worlds) with his two estranged children, and meeting up with healthcare worker Anna Faris (Campbell in a send-up of The Grudge). The rest are ‘stray shot’ spoofs which are more idiotic than funny. (Okay, maybe ‘idiotic’ is funny to writer-director Zucker).

HIGHLIGHTS: The ‘attack’ on President Bush during the September 11 crisis is promising but it goes overboard featuring a tasteless, nude UN session. There are some giggles when we see ‘Tom Cruise’ freaking out on Oprah’s couch, and when Shaquille O’Neal and Dr Phil go captive in the style of The Saw. Still, I like the pervading sense of irreverent fun throughout and this one is definitely more cohesive than the previous sequel.

LOWLIGHTS: There are more misses than hits but I guess Zucker and company are not worried about that. They still thrive on urine and excreta gags and the sight of Nielsen buck naked can give some people nightmares.

THE LOWDOWN? You have gotta like ‘bad’ movies and gutter comedy to go for this one!

YOUR WEEKEND PIC (June 16-18)

(A new posting to help you plan your cinema-going)

1. CARS (Animated fun-tasy with endearing car-acters voiced by Owen Wilson, Bonnie Hunt and Paul Newman) Rated * * * (3 out of 4 stars): Lightning McQueen, a novice racing car, learns about friends and family when he gets stuck in a small town on the legendary Route 66.

2. OVER THE HEDGE (Animated comedy with voices of Bruce Willis and Gary Shandling) Rated * * * (3 stars): A bunch of woodland animals wake up from hibernation to find a hedge in their way – and lots of food on the other side. Wacky fun for the kids during the school holidays.
3. THE FAST & THE FURIOUS: TOKYO DRIFT (car-race sequel with Lucas Black and Bow Wow) Rated: * * 1/2 (2.5 stars): If you like fast cars, hot chicks and road crashes, then this is the flick for you. Don't expect anything else, though.

4. THE OMEN (remake of the 1976 horror classic, with Liev Schriber and Julia Stiles) Rated * * 1/2 (2.5 stars): Another faithful remake of the 70s original with no ‘value’ added except more thunder and lightning.

5. RV (family road trip comedy with Robin Williams and Jojo Levescue) Rated: * * (2 stars): For the youngsters, the sole reason to catch this movie is the presence of singer Jojo who plays a teenager forced to go on a road trip with her nerd of a dad.

RV: Adventures of A Rolling Turd

RV (for Recreational Vehicle)
Cast: Robin Williams, Cheryl Hines, Joanna 'JoJo' Levescue, Josh Hutcherson, Jeff Daniels
Director: Barry Sonnenfeld
Time: 95 mins
Rating: * *

WHAT’S IT ABOUT? In order to keep his job, Bob Munro (Williams) is forced to cancel his family vacation to Hawaii and substitute it with a road trip to Colorado. His wife Jamie (Hines), daughter Cassie (Levescue), and son Carl (Hutcherson) would prefer to stay home but Bob sees this as his only chance to bond with his loved ones. The plan is to travel in a rented RV bus so that he can meet up with his clients and bosses to make a vital presentation. Of course, a series of minor disasters occur and they even meet up with an annoyingly sweet family called the Gornickes.

WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL? It looks like another National Lampoon’s Vacation, this time around with Robin Williams who seems to be working with a toned-down script. As the family gets on the road, the trip gets to be more of a torture than fun for both the characters and viewers. The Munros name the bus ‘The Rolling Turd’ and sure enough, we get a lot of excreta flying all over the place. Like, if you can make 'em laugh, throw sh*t around!

HIGHLIGHTS: We may get a few laughs when the Munros encounter the Gornickes, especially with Kristin Chenoweth’s portrayal of a born-again Christian wife. Singer Jojo provides eye-candy but does little to improve her resume as an actress.

LOWLIGHTS: Very few gags work here and some unfunny ones – like Williams wrestling with his seat belt – are even repeated. Screenwriter Geoff Rodkey, who gave us feeble stuff like The Shaggy Dog and Daddy Day Care, continues to prop up his reputation of mediocre scripting. And he takes the safe route by closing with a feel-good ending.

THE LOWDOWN? I can think of many, many ways to spend a vacation – without something called The Rolling Turd.

TOKYO DRIFT: Same F&F Formula

ITHE FAST & THE FURIOUS: TOKYO DRIFT
Cast: Lucas Black, Bow Wow, Nathalie Kelley, Brian Tee and Sung Kang
Director: Justin Lin
Time: 105 mins
Rating: * * 1/2

WHAT’S IT ABOUT? Racing, babes, attitude and more racing! Incorrigible ‘trouble-maker’ Sean Boswell (Black) is ‘banished’ to live with his father in Tokyo after running foul of the law in the US. In Japan, he gets sucked into the world of ‘Drifting” where race cars slide sideways to move in confined spaces. Of course, there is a girl (Kelley) and the Yakuza involved, but every (obviously contrived) problem here is solved by a challenge to race cars.

WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL? What’s new in this sequel (The Fast & The Furious 3) is the introduction to drifting, starring some of the top Japanese cars. There are also more of everything in this F&F formula – more babes, more cars and more crashes. What is sorely lacking is a bit of intelligence in the script.

HIGHLIGHTS: A racing sequence in downtown Tokyo can get you drunk in adrenalin, or at least put you on the edge of your seat. Another cool sequence is a car doing circles around a couple of chicks – moving sideways. Also the dialogue reeks of attitude – which should impress the kids of today.

LOWLIGHTS: Other than the aforementioned cars, babes and crashes, everything else in this mindless venture is adrift in mediocrity. The acting stinks – get a load of Lucas Black breaking out into his trademark silly grin – the dialogue consists mainly of smart-ass one-liners, and the scripters must think that cops are extinct in Tokyo.

THE LOWDOWN? This one is nowhere near the animated Cars in fun and characterization, but it should whet the appetite of racing fans who get high on car crashes.

YESTERDAY ONCE MORE THE SEQUEL

YESTERDAY ONCE MORE – The SEQUEL
Cast: The Class of 1968, Convent Green Lane Penang, some ex-teachers and some spouses
Producer & videographer: Yours Truly
Time: 35 mins
Uncensored, Unretouched and Unrated (for private viewing only)

WHAT’S IT ABOUT? After a hugely successful Reunion in Penang in June 2001, the CGL68 class held a Sequel with an even bigger ‘cast’ on June 3-4 weekend. Five years ago, they behaved like 16-year-olds at a slumber party up on Penang Hill. This time around, they have matured a little – they are cavorting like 21-year-olds comparing their first dates. The ‘global cast’ includes members from the US, UK, New Zealand, Australia, Singapore, Kuala Lumpur and host, Penang.

WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL? This is a chance for the gals to let their hair down (those who still have hair, that is). It is the chance to meet, eat and yak, and recalling old times… like who went out with which boy, and what had happened to the poor boy. The usually serene venue, Stella Maris in Tanjong Tokong, Penang, is abuzz with screams, shrieks and laughter well into the wee hours of the morning. Thankfully, nobody notified the police.

HIGHLIGHTS: The Reunion culminates in a ‘55th Birthday Dinner’ at a restaurant at Cititel, Penang, where a newly-formed Young-At-Hearts choir, dressed in old Covent school uniform, presents a series of songs for their former teachers. Caught up in the mood of the evening, the ex-teachers return the favour with a couple of hastily-composed songs. Actingwise, I must say most are natural – reverting to their school day personae, jumping and screaming with glee, and all talking at the same time, with scant regard for their spouses who look on indulgently.

LOWLIGHTS: As always, parting is such sweet sorrow that the gals take hours just to walk from the restaurant to the car park. Then at Stella Maris, more of the same… and ad infinitum.

THE LOWDOWN? A mini-video that has no entertainment value to the cinema-goer, except the ‘performers’. Some scenes may be blackmail material for their children.

CAST LIST: From UK: Low Cheng Ee and spouse David, Kam Kee Chooi, Wong Oy Yong and spouse Michael Yeoh, and Suria R; From USA: Molly Leong;
From Australia: Yeap Geik Hoe, Saw Kuan and Lai Yin; From New Zealand: Teh Kee Sim and spouse Larry, Loh Say Khuan and spouse Fred, and Tammy;
From Singapore: Khoo Hoon Eng, Aw Chooi Im and spouse Stan, and Loo Lian Ee.
From KL: Toh Li Li, Choong Chew Tsio and spouse Chang Moh, and Lim Suan Sim; and From Penang: Khoo Say Hong and spouse Tay Cheng Eng, Ooi Chooi See, Ong Chooi Ai, Goh Gaik Chai and spouse Tony; Mary Chong, Girlie Saw and spouse Kenneth, Tan Su Ee, Dorothy Chin and Swee Sim.
Teachers attending: Former headmistress Sister Aidan, Mrs Chan, Mrs Yeow and Mrs Ooi.

YOUR WEEKEND PIC (June 9 - 11)

(A new posting to help you plan your cinema-going)

1. CARS (Animated fun-tasy with endearing car-acters voiced by Owen Wilson, Bonnie Hunt and Paul Newman) Rated * * * (3 out of 4 stars): Lightning McQueen, a novice racing car, learns about friends and family when he gets stuck in a small town on the legendary Route 66.

2. OVER THE HEDGE (Animated comedy with voices of Bruce Willis and Gary Shandling) Rated * * * (3 stars): A bunch of woodland animals wake up from hibernation to find a hedge in their way – and lots of food on the other side. Wacky fun for the kids during the school holidays.

3. THE OMEN (remake of the 1976 horror classic, with Liev Schriber and Julia Stiles) Rated * * 1/2 (2.5 stars): Another faithful remake of the 70s original with no ‘value’ added except more thunder and lightning.

4. 16 BLOCKS Ra(cop thriller with Bruce Willis, Mos Def & David Morse) Rated * * 1/2 (2.5 stars): Willis has to match wits with his fellow cops to deliver a witness to court. Cliched odd-couple flick for Willis diehards.

5. X-MEN: THE LAST STAND (Comic book fantasy sequel starring Hugh Jackson, Halle Berry & Patrick Stewart) Rated * * * (3 stars): A cure for mutation splits the ‘gifted people’ right down the middle – and the X-Men (and women) have a tough time saving the day. X-travagant action.

THE OMEN: Who Let The Dogs Out?

THE OMEN (remake of 1976 horror flick)
Cast: Liev Schreiber, Julia Stiles, Mia Farrow, David Thewlis, Pete Postlewaite & Seamus Davey-Fitzpatrick
Director: John Moore
Time: 108 mins
Rating: * * 1/2

WHAT’S IT ABOUT? A baby, ‘substituted’ at birth to an American diplomat (Schreiber) in a Roman hospital, is suspected of being the Anti-Christ. Of course, the proverbial Hell breaks loose around the boy, Damien (Davey-Fitzpatrick), whenever he is on-screen. A fanatical priest (Postlewaite) and a newshound (Thewlis) traipse all over Europe in search of clues about the descendant of Satan – just like in the recent Da Vinci Code where a similar couple do the same in the quest for the descendant of Christ. Which brings us to the question: Was this movie planned to coincide with the cinema version of Dan Brown’s book?

WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL? Thunder and lightning – that’s the big deal here whenever director Moore decides to pump up the horror. And oh yes, he also lets the dogs out. Lots of big black Rottweilers bounding out of Hell. These minor jolts work rather well sometimes.

HIGHLIGHTS: After watching the 1976 original (that left me sleepless for three nights), none of these ‘Xeroxed’ sequences are as scary, although the one about Damien’s visit to the zoo and riling up the animals is rather unsettling. Also, the presence of Mia Farrow (of Rosemary’s Baby fame) as Damien’s new nanny, Mrs Baylock, is a neat touch of ‘gallows humour’.

LOWLIGHTS: For a remake of such a classic, we expect a little more than just a recopy (the screenplay is written by the same scripter, David Seltzer). There could have been some ‘value’ added to update the movie. Adding scenes of the Sept 11 bombing and Hurricane Katrina does not quite cut it. They just smack of exploitation. Also, the concept of Armageddon and a seemingly defenceless child being the spawn of the Devil must be old hat to movie-goers by now.

THE LOWDOWN? It is certainly not the film to get World Cup fans to the cinemas. Just the ones who are so bored with football that they are willing to try anything…