DOA: DEAD OR ALIVE - It's all about T&A

DOA: DEAD OR ALIVE (action thriller)
Cast: Jaime Pressly, Devon Aoki, Brian J White, Holly Valance and Natassia Malthe
Director: Corey Yuen
Time: 90 mins
Rating: * * ½ (out of 4)

WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL? Let’s face it. DOA is all about ‘T and A’.
With its derivative Matrix-styled moves, can we expect Technique and Artistry in the action and fighting stunts of its stars? How else can we have a pouting queen like Princess Kasumi (Devon Aoki) bringing a whole imperial army of battle-ready soldiers on their knees, skipping over their heads and then soaring over the hill into the sea?
But no. DOA is all about ‘T and A’.
Under the direction of globally-acclaimed stunt choreographer Corey Yuen, there has to be a certain amount of Talent and Appeal. Or how can one expect to draw the crowds to yet another screen adaptation of a videogame? So many such adaptations had been so disappointing that even its videogame fans had sworn to avoid them.
No. DOA is only about ‘T and A’.
With its 'kill 'em all' tournament on an idyllic island as the main plot, can this movie be about inducing Testosterone and Adrenaline among the viewers? All that no-holds-barred duelling and brawling ought to make us grip our arm-rests in Tension and Anticipation over which of the charismatic heroines would be the victor.
But again, no. DOA is just about ‘T and A’.

WHAT’S IT ABOUT? Now, if your patience is running thin over what this ‘T and A’ is, it should be obvious right from the start. DOA is all about Tits and Ass! Well, weren’t you attracted to this movie by the hot babes on the poster? Didn’t you hear about that eye-boggling sequence where one of the top contenders (Holly Valance as Christie) knocks out three guys after coming out of the shower – all in the process of putting on her bra?
No? Then how about that touted beach volleyball game where the female stars, like Jaime Pressly and Sarah Carter, go ‘Crouching Tiger, Hidden Bikini Line’ and dive for the ball?

HIGHLIGHTS: Yeah, if it is eye-candy you are going for, then DOA delivers – with digitally-enhanced boob sizes and Wonderbras. Now, if you are asking for stuff like a credible storyline or reasonably good acting, you are asking way too much.

LOWLIGHTS: To be fair, the main female cast deliver what is expected of them: cool poses and nifty moves for the camera. Aussie singer-turned-actress Valance is the hottest of the lot, while Natassia Malthe (as non-combatant Ayane) is the weakest. However, the most irritating performance comes from Eric Roberts (as the villain Donovan) who hams his way through the movie.

THE LOWDOWN: I suppose there are also a lot of loopholes in the subplots about a search for a long-lost brother and a burglary attempt at the DOA headquarters. Sorry, I just can't list them here. I was justifiably distracted by all that ‘T and A’.