MY BLOODY VALENTINE: Censored Slasherporn

MY BLOODY VALENTINE (horror thriller)
Starring: Jensen Ackles, Jaime King, Kerr Smith, Betsy Rue, Megan Boone, Tom Atkins and Kevin Tighe
Director: Patrick Lussier
Time: 98 mins
Rating: * 1/2 (out of 4)


LET'S CUT TO THE CHASE: Titled My Bloody Valentine 3D in the States, this slasherpic is a remake of the 1981 horror of a movie made by Canadian director John Beaird (from a story by Stephen Miller). The main reason for this remake is to have images of blood, axes and body parts flying off the screen and into our faces in glorious 3D.

It is mainly to pander to fans of cult horror flicks. If you are squeamish about blood and guts spilling all over the screen even in 2D, then stay away...

THE PLOT: The movie opens with newspaper reports about an accident at a coal mine in the town of Harmony that leaves five dead and a survivor in a coma. When the survivor regains consciousness a year later on Valentine's Day, he goes on a killing spree that leaves more than 20 people horribly butchered.

Years later, a bunch of teenagers revisit the mine for a party - and are attacked by a gas-masked guy wielding a pickaxe. Three of them, Sarah (Jamie King), Axel (Kerr Smith) and Tom (Jensen Ackles) manage to escape the massacre.

Cut to 10 years later. Tom returns to Harmony on Valentine's Day and ill feelings start to resurface. Axel, who is now the town sheriff, suspects Tom of trying to rekindle his relationship with Sarah, who is now his wife. Sarah suspect Axel of infidelity. Meanwhile, people get brutally murdered and Tom and Axel accuse each other of being the murderer!

GOOD NEWS & BAD NEWS: The good news is that there are loads of mutilation, decapitation and sex scenes in this movie to make your eyes pop. The camera angles are set in such a way that we get to see the chest cavities after hearts are ripped out and various objects jut out of the screen and into our faces.

The bad news is that the movie is not shown in 3D in Malaysia - and the gratuitous sex and nude scenes have been cut. What remains of this 'slasherporn' is a badly contrived horror story that defies common sense and logic.

I have no complaints about the cast, who are fairly competent in undemanding roles, or the technical crew who manage to impress us. The one sequence that makes an impact is the chase scene at a convenience store where Sarah and her assistant (Megan Boone) are under siege by the masked killer.

THE LOWDOWN: Like eating cake with the icing and cream removed.